It was a fairly last-minute trip, as my Baba became quite ill rather quickly. She was suddenly quite unsteady on her feet, and had increasingly severe headaches accompanied by nausea and vomiting. When they brought her in to the hospital (expecting it to be food poisoning or something of the like), it was found that she had a large mass in her brain. After a few more tests and treatment with steroids (to reduce the inflammation) and antibiotics (in case it was an abscess), it was determined that the mass was, in fact, cancer. Given her age and the extent of the tumour, she wasn't a candidate for surgery, though she did undergo radiation treatments in an effort to reduce the swelling and make her more comfortable. It became quite clear that she wasn't going to get better, and that she was likely not going to leave the hospital either. It was estimated that she might live for a few more months at the outside, and family and friends were contacted to say their goodbyes.
We weren't sure how long she'd live (no one was), but we decided not to leave right away (just before Easter), partly because it just wasn't clear if now was the right time to come, or if we should wait a bit longer. I was planning on going back to work at the beginning of May though, so I thought that it would be good if Béla and I could have a visit without worrying about taking vacation. We'd already booked a week off at the end of April, as we were supposed to meet my mom and dad in Rome for a week for my mom's 60th birthday, as part of their dream vacation through Italy, weeks before my dad was going to have his prostate removed after it was found to be cancerous. (Yes, my family has had a really rough few months.) We decided that I'd go a few days earlier, and Jer would come for just over a week, using the same time that he'd already booked off as holiday.
Well, I came just in time. After a surprisingly good trip alone with Béla (complete with a stop to visit our friend Jenny and her family in Frankfurt), I arrived in Canada on a Tuesday evening, April 13th. The next Wednesday I visited Baba in the hospital, and she was awake for much of the visit, and quite lucid, sitting with her arm around Béla on the bed, and quite happy to see me. After this visit, she was barely awake for the next ten days, until she died the morning of April 24th. We were supposed to fly back that evening, but ended up buying new tickets and contacting Jer's bosses so that we could stay for the funeral, which was on the 27th. I'm so glad we did, as it was a great chance to see lots of family and friends, and was honestly the most fun I've ever had at a funeral. It was sad, of course, but it really was a celebration of her life.
We got back to Germany on April 29th, and I went back to work the following Monday, May 3rd, and Jer's on parental leave until September. Needless to say, there have been lots of changes over the past month! But more on that later. In the meantime, here are some pics from our trip to Canada. They're not in chronological order quite, and are all taken by either Chris and Karen or my mom and dad, as we managed not to take a single picture while we were there. For the first few days it was understandable, as Béla was super clingy, and wouldn't leave my side (he was like that after Jer left during our Christmas visit as well - once his papa's gone he won't let me out of his sight, it seems!). Here we are at Chris and Karen's either the first night or the second night, as my brother and I try on funny hats:
Another view of our handsome boy, all decked out in Canadian gear, working hard to take off his sock.
And a close-up, showing off his beautiful eyes of still indeterminate colour.
Storming the barricades of his uncle Chris...
And here's his younger cousin Gavin, trying out the Exersaucer, perhaps for the first time!
Here's a pic of him eating - there have been lots on the blog of course, but the whole baby-led-weaning approach of giving him regular food prompted much fascination in my family, which I understand. It really is entertaining to watch him figure out how to eat things with limited teeth (only two when this was taken, though he now has 6!) and motor skills. (As an aside, since we're back in Germany, he's begun to master the spoon. We still let him feed himself, but just offer him loaded spoons full of food, as seen in an earlier video with yogurt. He's now really good at it though, and a two-spoon system is a must, as he hands back the empty one as soon as it's left his mouth, and expects another to be waiting.)
The two grandmothers, my mom and Jer's mom Betty Ann. For a while it was looking like Jeremi might not make it to Canada because of the volcanic ash, and I was getting a bit desperate with a baby that would not let me be more than a meter away at any point, and wouldn't think of letting anyone else take him. We'd mentioned earlier that Jer's parents should come to meet up with us in Toronto, and they were thinking about it, but Betty Ann didn't want to intrude. After being heartily reassured that she'd be doing us a favour, she got on a flight on Monday, April 12th, and made it to my parents' place before Jeremi. (We still weren't sure if he was going to make it at all when she flew, or if he'd be stranded at the airport in Munich, where he spent the night.) It was great to have her there, and she got to spend lots of time with not only Béla, but also Nic and Jeremi, her two boys.
A handsome family portrait, in which you can see a bit of the rash on his cheeks. This finally cleared up once we got back to Germany, and my just have been caused by teething (his front top teeth cut through the day after we got back), exacerbated by a bout of impetigo which required a trip to a clinic and a tube of antibiotic cream while we were there. He looks much better now, but there's still a bit of a mark left in the places where he had the impetigo blisters (around his left ear and on his left upper arm).
This was quite typical of Béla during the first few days - I had to put my shoes on, so I put him on the ground, and he sat there leaning against my lower leg to be sure that I didn't go anywhere. It was quite sweet, but also quite tiring! He's also got a big celery stick in his hand, which was quite helpful as he was teething up a storm, and he seems to like gnawing on them. I'm not sure, but we may have been getting ready to walk to the hospital. It's about 5.5 km from my parents' house, and I thought it would be a good way to get a walk in. My mom came with me at least once (maybe twice?), and my cousin Jenn did as well, and I know I did it once with Betty Ann and Jeremi. It was a nice way to get some fresh air, and to ensure that Béla was well-napped before having him cooped up in a hospital room for a few hours for a visit.
Here he is, standing on his chubby little legs. He started crawling a couple weeks before we got there, and worked to improve his skills while we were there. He was also able to pull himself up to standing on couches etc. already, but got way better and faster. And, while we were there, he started standing unassisted for decent periods of time (like maybe 30 seconds), while everyone in the room held their breath. He even shuffled his feet a bit, in first attempts at steps, but without great success. This would have to wait until we got back to Germany (see video in preceding post).
This was the morning before Jeremi arrived, sitting in the backyard with Betty Ann and Béla. She was so good with him - notice that he's sitting on her lap?!? Here we were going through the Caillou song book they got us, which has lots of classic French songs that Jeremi has since taught me. There's some pseudo-music in the book as well (notes to play along with a little electronic toy piano that came with it, but no timing), and we were discussing the differences between the melodies that they know and the melodies in the book, which are sometimes quite significant! Regardless what the tune is, Béla loves this book, as every time he turns the page we sing him another song. It almost always makes him happy, and happier than just singing the song without the book. (A guy sitting near me on the plane called it a "karaoke book", as I sang along with it.)
And here we are, jumping ahead to my mom's birthday dinner on the Wednesday night (the day she turned 60!), where Owen is helping her open a present.
And here's Cathy, giving Béla a little cuddle.
Here my mom was opening the shawl I knit her, described in great detail two posts ago. She wore it to the funeral, and looked fantastic. Actually, we all looked fantastic, Jeremi in a new dark brown suit he bought for the occasion, me in the black maternity dress that I wore to Dina's wedding (it still fits although I'm far from pregnant-looking, as it's really stretchy), and Béla for the first time ever in real pants (with a fly) and a button-up shirt, complete with sweater vest! (Béla's formalwear was provided by the stash in Chris and Karen's basement.) Alas, I don't think that anyone got a photo of any of us, probably because it's sort done, taking pictures at a funeral. It's too bad though, as we all looked great, and likely won't have a reason to dress up again for a while.
Béla and Papa playing...
Ah yes, the food! Once Jer got there and Béla relaxed enough that I could put him down from time to time, I started cooking. We'd even brought along an Italian cookbook that we use a lot, in the hopes that we could make mom and dad some nice Italian dinners to compensate for their cancelled vacation. There was one huge and special meal for mom's birthday, but then there was another multi-course extravaganza the Friday after that, which she seemed to have taken some pictures of. Here are some of the dishes...
...and the famous stuffed mushroom caps, which my family couldn't get enough of.
Karen, having a little nursing break with Gavin.
One thing we learned while we were in Canada is that Béla's great at climbing stairs. We don't have any in our apartment, and we hadn't let him play around in the stairwell yet, but he took to it like a pro.
Or like a little monkey, as per his pyjamas. (We didn't realize that they were pyjamas, and Karen totally laughed at us for letting him wear them all day. They looked like clothes to us!)
My mom and Nic, during the Friday night dinner (I think).
My dad playing with Béla. By the end of the trip Béla and Grandpa were having lots of fun together!
Béla enjoying some BBQed bread with tzatziki - lots of tzatziki...
Now we're jumping back in time a bit, I think. While the meal above was being prepared, Jer, my dad, and my uncle Jon went over to Chris and Karen's to help them move and/or set up an air hockey table and a fußball table in their basement. After which, of course, they had to try them out, and drink a few beers.
Look at Owen's crazy concentration !
One night, while over at Chris and Karen's for supper, Karen suggested that, since Béla wanted to do pretty well anything that Owen was doing, he might enjoy the bath more if he took a bath with Owen. And so we decided to try it. Here Owen's already in the bathtub, while Béla is stripped and ready to go, but not quite sure yet.
Then he moved a little closer, surveying the scene. He did make it into the tub for a little while with Owen, but then at the first hint of a splash he scaled up my arm to get out. We ended up bathing him alone afterward, which still went better than usual. And since coming back, every bath has gotten better! He even plays a bit in the bath now, and has started looking at the bathtub and bath toys as if he might actually want a bath. Hooray!
Supper on the Sunday night, the day after Baba had died. Here you can only see part of the table, but from left are me, Jenn, Jer's friend Bea, Béla, Gloria, and Chris. Also in attendance were Karen, Owen, Gavin, my uncle Jon and aunt Joan, and of course Mom and Dad. Basically, there were about 12 people for every meal. I know this because my mom had a lot on her plate with organizing the memorial service and the meal after, and my cousin Jenn and I took over her role in organizing all the food for the many people who were coming in and out of the house. Every day there were nice brunches (that was all Jenn and Tim!), then lunches of nice cheese, cold cuts, bread, pickles, plus homemade soup, and then giant suppers. There was lots of help, but we were pretty much the kitchen crew. One of the things that my mom mentioned while we were at the hospital the morning that Baba died was that it was like she was "graduating" to the next generation - she was now the elder. I really felt like Jenn and I graduated to the middle generation as we took over the kitchen, let me tell you! It was really fun to spend the time with her doing it.
After supper one night, as Owen and Béla had had enough of sitting at the table, and their baba went to hang out with them for some quiet time in the living room.
Béla having a nap on the living room floor...
Béla playing with grandpa, as I drank yet another giant mug of tea.
Spending the extra few days in Canada also meant that we had more time to hang out with my brother and his family. On the day before the funeral we were all having supper over at Chris and Karen's (lasagnes that I'd made up in advance, plus more stuffed mushrooms so Karen could seem me make them, and a giant tossed salad), and we were there in the afternoon ahead of time so we could go to the park with Owen and Chris. Béla fell asleep in the stroller on the way there and slept through the whole park part of it, but Owen had lots of fun! Here he is on the slide:
And here are the two of us, running up ahead, while Jer and Chris lag behind with the stroller.
The two handsome boys in the double "SUV" stroller that Chris and Karen have. (Yes, he's pulled off one of his socks and his holding it in his hands.)
Owen and I, after mounting one of the rope-climbing toys. (After this picture was taken, I climbed into the basket with Owen, and then we were joined by another little girl. Luckily they make this stuff pretty strong.)
And finally, a picture with some family from up north who came down for the funeral (that's Jenn on the left, with my mom's cousins Diane and Lovey). While we didn't take any pictures on the actual day of the memorial service, they came back the next morning for brunch, and this is from then. They also came back to my parents' place after the dinner after the memorial service, and we had such a fun evening, sitting around talking and hearing crazy old family stories. We managed to get Béla asleep and put the baby monitor on so we could come back down for a few more hours of drinking and talking, which was really fun for both Jer and me. I'm so glad we were able to stay for longer!
So there you have it, our most recent trip to Canada. The circumstances were sad, but it was a really good chance to see everyone, and I'm so glad we could be there. It really seemed as if Baba stayed with us just long enough for me to come see her, and then it was okay to die. She is already greatly missed.
And in closing, a few pictures of my baba. One from when she was young:
And one of her and me at our wedding:
And finally, another picture from the wedding, formatted for the thank-you cards my mom got me to help her with. It really is a nice picture of her.
